_=====_ _=====_
/ _____ \ / _____ \
+.-'_____'-.---------------------------.-'_____'-.+
/ | | '. .' | _ | \
/ ___| /|\ |___ \ / ___| /_\ |___ \
/ | | | ; __ _ ; | _ _ | ;
| | <--- ---> | | |__| |_:> | ||_| (_)| |
| |___ | ___| ; ; |___ ___| ;
|\ | \|/ | / _ ___ _ \ | (X) | /|
| \ |_____| .','" "', |___| ,'" "', '. |_____| .' |
| '-.______.-' / \ / \ '-._____.-' |
| | |------| | |
| /\ / \ /\ |
| / '.___.' '.___.' \ |
| / \ |
\ / \ /
\________/ \_________/
With great delay compared to the rest of the world, I started playing Baldur's Gate 3. I began a shared campaign with my cousin, so with a relative whom I dearly love and with whom I have a strong fraternal bond. And yet, I realized that I was crazy nervous about the experience: despite him not pushing me at all, leaving me the time to experience the game, explore and do my thing, I felt an immense urge to "git gud", so that we could both start to really enjoy the game. Again, he was literally doing nothing to pressure me, but still, I felt overwhelmed by the game. It's not even a matter of having to read all the lore and the descriptions: I am quite fluent in D&D, having started playing in the good ole days of 2nd Edition, and the Forgotten Realms are my second home: it was literally a matter of being in a game with another person that made me feel uncomfortable.
I don't want to read too much into this, maybe it is just that I am more used to single player games, where I can pick my pace and be happy with it. Alternatively, it might be that I didn't feel too confident with the control system: after all BG3 is a behemoth with finicky control that require a bit of a learning curve. The darker interpretation is that...I am just bad at dealing with shared activities, which could well be the case. I remember when I used to play World of Warcraft, and I would typically not be a fan of adventuring in a group: I never really feel up to the task, especially when paired to people who have spent a lot of time and dedication into the game. Luckily, I always played with very understanding people, who never really made me feel inappropriate (except in a single instance, in which I was flat-out told that my character was not powerful enough to join them, but whatever).
The darker interpretation is partly corroborated by the fact that I am a bit of a control freak, and that sometimes I can be socially awkward, especially if I am not fully mastering the situation at hand. Another thing to work on, I guess, but it's a bit annoying that even a casual, enjoyable activity like playing with my cousin suddenly became a chore. I want to hope that when I'll get better at the game the feeling will subsume: today I could have played with him, but part of me didn't really want to, and actually I didn't. Fingers crossed for the future.